Itachi
by sasori-chibi
Summary: the reason behind itachi's scars..............itachi discovers that akatsuki talk in their sleep
1. Chapter 1

**The reason behind itachi's wrinkles **

**This is a crack fic about the reason behind itachi's wrinkles and it's also my first fanfic so plz don't be sooo mean a lil mean is ok…and lil flaming is ok too, but again don't be sooo meanruns….hides**

**In this story itachi discovers that akatsuki members talk in their sleep.**

It was 9:00 pm at the akatsuki's HQ, and they were getting ready for bed…

Every one had their own room except for itachi, kisame wanted to sleep in his room 'cause deidara played a prank on him…let's just say that kisame wasn't thrilled to find out that he ate tuna sandwich after deidara told him that he'll like this ''new food'' and he kept having nightmares since then.

9:10 pm…the HQ was eerily quiet, and every one had settled in for the night, because they were exhausted from their missions, every one except for kisame that laid on a messy mattress on the floor beside itachi's neat bed and itachi that laid on his bed that hovered beside kisame with his back to him…hoping that he'll think that he's asleep,'cause kisame just wouldn't SHUT-UP! He kept complaining so he couldn't sleep….

Kisame: "itachi" he called itachi's name for the 10th time in 10 minutes

Itachi:twitch "hn?"

Kisame: "I can't sleep" he whined…again!

Itachi: ignore

Kisame: pout

Itachi: still ignore

Kisame: pouts louder

Itachi: sight "be quiet and close your eyes then you'll drift to sleep before you know it"

Kisame: "I can't close my eyes"

Itachi: "why?" still facing the wall with his back to kisame

Kisame: "I dunno"

Itachi: " fine…then just be quiet"

Kisame:" how's that gonna help?"

Itachi: "it'll help me sleep…so when you talk to me I won't hear you"

Kisame: "huh?"

Itachi: "never mind"

Kisame: "you know once I killed a roommate of mine….you know why?"

Itachi: "'cause he wouldn't shut-up and let you sleep?"

Kisame: "no"

Itachi: "then whyyyy?" yawns

Kisame: "ehhh…. I forgot hehe"

Itachi: "kisame, I have a way to make you go to sleep…I don't care if you don't want to"

Kisame: suspicious dare I ask….what?"

Itachi sits up then grab kisame by his shirt's collar

Kisame: "what r you going to do?" uneasy

Itachi: "mangikyou-sharingan!"

Kisame: immediately falls into slumber

Itachi: throws kisame onto the mattress without caring if he even lands on it, then lay on his back and closes his eyes

Kisame: grabs a pillow

Itachi: stares

Kisame: chomps off half the pillow "itachi….yummmmmy!"

Itachi: girly shriek, then grabs his pillow and his favorite blanket with chibi sasuke pictures on it and runs…errr….flies out of the room.

Itachi ran through the quiet hallways 'till he reached deidara's room, he opened the door slowly…and peeked inside.

Deidara: sleeping peacefully on the bed

Itachi:sight of relief

Deidarazzzzz** un!''**

Itachi:_un? Whatever…I just wanna sleep' _place the pillowbeside the bed then lay down and covers himself with his blanket

Itachi: falls into light sleep for just a sec then..

Deidara: "zzzzzz hiccup **un!**

Itachi: opens eyes slowly…turn around and glare at deidara

Deidara: "zzzzzz hiccup **un!**

Itachi:grabs his pillow '_I'll make it quick he won't know what hit him…._' realizes what he's thinking about then drops the pillow

Deidara: "zzzzzz hiccup "**DAMN UCHIHAS I'M** **GONNA KILL **_**THEM**_**! Un!**''

Itachi: "shit!" grabs pillow and blanket then stomps out of the room….slams the door

Deidara: jumps up…..looks around…yawn…..back 2 sleep

Itachi walks around in the hallways, he felt so sleepy that he couldn't tell where he was heading…..

**OK, I know it's short, so R&R…….which characters do you want itachi trying their room next? vote only 4 two characters….2 characters per chapter )**

**Sasori**

**Zetsu**

**Tobi D**

**Konan**

**Leader-sama aka pein **

**Hidan **

**Kakuzu**


	2. jashinist and happiness

**A Jashinist and the akatsuki's bouncing ball of happiness.**

**Thank you free-willy-Chan for the review –gives you brownies-**

**and…flaming-dragon –yawn- whatever, just don't be so harsh on ppl. And I can't wait to read your fanfics, oh wait YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!.**

**Previous chapter:**

_Itachi walks around in the hallways, he felt so sleepy that he couldn't tell where he was heading….._

'_tuk!'_ itachi focused his eyes on the object that he just bumped into, trying to give it a death-glare, but stopped when he realized that it's a door. "tobi's room, I bet he's sleeping already since he's _a good boy_" he grimaced when he thought about how tobi always acts _good_, how the hell did he become an akatsuki member was beyond him, and right now he didn't care, he just wants to sleep.

Itachi: slowly opens the door

Tobi: jumps out of no where "ITACHI-SAAAAAAAN!" runs toward the door.

Itachi: -.-''' slams the door shut

Tobi: bumps into the door then falls down, bounced up and grabs the door-knob trying to open it

Itachi: pulls the door-knob on the other side

Tobi: "itachi-saaaaan! I'll be a good boy, you can come in"

Itachi: gags ''don't say good boy when I'm around!"

Tobi: " Itachi-saaaan! Don't you want your blankie back?"

Itachi: "huh?, it's right h…aaaah where is my blankie!?"

Tobi: it's right here" raises hand holding chibi sasuke blankie

Itachi: "TOBI IS NOT A –GAG- GOOD –GAG- BOY!"

Tobi: "fine! I'll keep it muahahaha"

after Half an hour

Itachi: -blink blink- opens the door slowly and peeks inside

Tobi: wrapped in chibi sasuke blankie and sleeping on the bed

Itachi: tip toes toward the bed

Tobi: zzzzz…."tobi is a good boy!" Zzzzzzzzzz

Itachi: -gag- tiptoe closer

Tobi: zzzzzzzz" tobi is a gooood boy!"

Itachi: covers mouth –gag-gag-gag-gag- runs out of the door 'evil evil evil evil' feels much better, dashes into the room.

Tobi:zzzzz "tobi is a …."

Itachi: freeze, covers ears

Tobi:"……"

Itachi sight, smirk, then reaches for the blankie

Tobi:" **GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD BOY!"**

Itachi: -gag- grabs blankie –gag- yanks hard enough to send tobi flying off the bed-gag- runs away –gag- slams the door.

Tobi: scratch the back of his head "tobi is a baaaad boy"

Runs to deidara's room.

Itachi: nuzzles chibi sasuke blankie with his cheek

Itachi swore to never ever enter tobi's room again, unless it's a near death situation. So now he's walking through the hallways, wondering where'll his feet take him next. Then stopped in-front of a black door 'black? Every one have brown doors. I wonder who's room is this…oh now I get it' itachi looked at the 'don't EF'N disturb, or EF'N jashin-sama'll be more than EF'N happy to have a EF'N new EF'Nsacrifice' sign.'' Hidan, huh?''

Itachi: opens door and peeks inside.

Hidan: sleeping on a king-size bed.

Itachi: "why the hell does he have king-size bed!" sight.

Looks on the floor "eww! There is blood every where, where the hell am I supposed to sleep!?" pales, stare at the king-size bed.

Hidan: "zzzzzz… F#K!..ZZZ.S#!T!..zzzzzz" roll to the right side of the bed

Itachi: tip-toes to the left side

Hidan: rolls to the left side

Itachi: frown, walks to the right side

Hidan: quickly rolls to the right side

Itachi: 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!' tug at his hair then run to the left side

Hidan: quickly rolls to the left side

Itachi: slap! Slap!

Hidan: what the F ! wakes up to find itachi cuddled beside him with his back to him. O.o….

Itachi: acting as if he's asleep -.-'''

Hidan:"….." grabs a kunie and stab himself into the shoulder

Itachi: gets blood all over his hair 0.0!!

Hidan: o.o''' "uh-oh!" tries to run away

Itachi: turns around and grabs hidan by the back of his black p'j

Hidan: T-T gets ready to meet jashin-sama.

Itachi: slap! Slap! Grabs blankie, stomps out of the room shouting "WHY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Hidan: 'slap? He must be really tired' grabs chibi kakuzo blankie that he was hiding under his pillow then fall asleep .

**OK, THIS CHAPIE ISN'T THAT FUNNY, BUUUHHHT…..BE NICE! I'LL GIVE YOU A BROWNIE.**


	3. canable and leader

**Shadow, and a cannibal ?!**

**Thanks to all the lovely reviewers 3**

**(sorry if it aint that good…. -.-''')**

**Previous chapter: itachi slapped hidan, and swore to never enter tobi's room again unless it's a near death situation….**

Itachi stomped through the hallways and saw tobi sleeping at deidara's door, he guessed that deidara had locked the door after he left just in case. Itachi stomped toward him, and since tobi was blocking the way he had to step over him (resisting the urge to stomp **ON** him) and headed to the other side of the HQ.

He stood in-front of the akatsuki's glass-house (I thought that was what they call the in-door garden, or whateva)

This was where zetsu slept, although he won't be comfortable with a human eating cannibal with a split personality, but in his opinion any thing or anyone is better than tobi!

Itachi: peeks inside… o.o!

Zetsu: sleeping, from waist down is under the ground

Itachi: -.- 'maybe tobi isn't that bad…. But he blankie napped my chibi sasuke blankie…..no! he **is** that baaaaad!'

The place was crowded with plants, and unfortunately for itachi, the only empty place was right beside zetsu's head.

Itachi: pales…

Zetsu-good side: "zzzzz….zzzzz"

Zetsu-bad side: "**zzzz….zzzz"**

Itachi: gulpe then walks inside

The door slammed behind him on it's own.

Itachi: 0.0'' freeeeez!

Zetsu-good: shift

Zetsu-bad: growl (still asleep)

Itachi: slowly walks and lay beside zetsu's head, wrapped in his blankie, and keeping as much distant between him and his freakish green half-white-half-black head as possible. then stared 'w-what if he wakes up and finds me sleeping here, he'll eat me….. I don't care, if he eats me I'm going to sleep permanently… just go to sleep damit!' close his eyes

Zetsu-good: "zzz…hungry…zzz"

Zetsu-bad: **"zzzz…" **wakes up **"hey! I smell blood!"**

---

Flash back:

Hidan stabbed himself in the shoulder and got blood on itachi's hair

---

Itachi: OMFG!

Zetsu: looks at itachi who had his back toward him D

Itachi: ''OK FINE!" jumps up to his feet and throws his hands in the air dramatically and scream "I'M SORRY IF I DID ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU MAD" he screamed toward the ceiling

Zetsu?

Itachi: "…." Still in the same position

Zetsu: "huh?" looks up

Itachi: "yes! He's distracted" runs THROUGH the glass door without opening it

Zetsu: TT

Itachi walked toward the leader while banging his head on the walls trying to lose conscious and get some sleep, but it didn't seem to work, it just started a head-ache.

'_knock knock' _

itachi knocked on the huge door in-front of him and waited…..waited…..waited "OPEN DAMMIT!" he yelled banging on the door, his head-ache was getting worst by the minute

leader: "who dares to disturb me while I'm trying to sleep"

itachi: "JUST OPEN THE F'N F'N DOOOOOOR!" tugs at his hair

leader: "hidan?"

itachi: "AAAAH!" kicks the door down and falls with it

leader: "?"

itachi: laying flat on his face "…."

Leader: "itachi….." pokes itachi's seemingly dead body

Itachi: "….."

Leader: "you alive?''

Itachi:"…."

Leader: "if you don't get up I'll make you sleep at tobi's" -.-

Itachi: gets up quickly "I want to sleep here tonight"

Leader: "no"

Itachi: "yes"

Leader: "no"

Itachi: "why?"

Leader: "you'll ruin my beauty sleep."

Itachi: -.-'' "but we can't see your face, then why bother?"

l.eader: "good point, still no"

itachi: "why?"

leader: "because I have black nail polish"

itachi: "what does that have to do with anything?"

leader: "it's still prettier than yours'

itachi: -twitch- "nobody's prettier than me!"

sasori-chibi(me): "yeah!"

leader: "who are you?"

me: "ahem…" vanish

itachi: "I'm going to sleep here"

leader: "no"

itachi: "why?"

leader: "because I said so" D

itachi: "so?"

leader: "I'm older than you"

itachi: "I'm 28"

leader: "I'm 125"

itachi: "damn, I should've said 30!"

leader: -.-'' "yeah…." Kicks itachi out.


	4. anbu and tobi's confession

**Anbu and traitorous tobi**

**Thanx for the reviews.**

**Last time leader kicked itachi out of his room then went to sleep.**

Itachi crawled through the hallways, he was too tired to walk, when his nose bumped into a pair of fuzzy orange night sandals.

Itachi: looks up "…." Starts to cry

Tobi: "itachi san?"

Itachi: cries harder

Tobi: "tobi will help itachi-san" jumps up and down

Itachi: not there any away with blankie flying behind

Tobi: grabs blankie and slides behind

Itachi: "let go!"

Tobi: "no"

Itachi: stops and yanks blankie and send tobi flying to the wall.

Tobi: slams to the wall then falls upside down and stays on his head…

Unfortunately the half of tobi's mask that's hiding the sharingan broke (just that half, the other is fine)

Itachi: stares….O.o "u-c-h-iha?!"

Tobi: .'' "oops"

Itachi: "aaah!" Uchiha senses tingling

Tobi: "tobi ….is… a… good…boy?"

Itachi: gets into kill-uchiha-stance

Tobi: gets up quickly then stares back at itachi "itachi-san can't kill tobi!"

Itachi: "why?"

Tobi: "because….i'm your father" changes voice

Sasuke: appears out of nowhere "daddy?"

Itachi: "where did you come from?!"

Sasuke: points at the writer out of the screen

Me: "eeep!" jumps under the table

Sasuke: "daddy?" looks at tobi

Itachi: "father? Good! Now I can kill you twice" walks closer

Tobi: -.-'' "no! I'm not your father"

Itachi: "then who are you? And foolish little brother, why are you still here?"

Sasuke: "dunno, oh-yeah revenge!" runs toward itachi

Itachi: "if you stop I'll give you a tomato"

Sasuke: "ok, bye nii-san" takes the tomato and disappears

Itachi: turns to tobi "who are you tobi?"

Tobi: "you just said, I'm tobi"

Itachi: "no, that's not what I meant"

Tobi: "I'm not tobi?"

Itachi: "no, you are tobi, who are you?"

Tobi: "tobi"

Itachi: "ugh, you know what I mean!"

Tobi: clears throat "I'm….your..son!"

Itachi: -.-

Tobi: "daddy!" runs toward uchiha trying to hug him

Itachi: not buying it, side step

Tobi: falls down(anime tears on) "why don't you love me daddy!?"

Itachi: "you're not my son….my son is in anbu"

Tobi: "huh?!"

Itachi: "say it already! Who are you"

Tobi: "I'm tob.."

Itachi: "no! say the truth!"

Tobi: "I'm the leader!" evil voice on

anbu: appears out of nowhere "tobi uchiha, you are under arrest"

Tobi: "why! Tobi is a good boy! Not the leader"

Anbu: "but you just said so…oh! Hi dad!"

Itachi: " hello son"

Tobi: "leader is in that room" points at peins room

Anbu: "thank you, who are you?"

Tobi: "I'm your grandfather"

Anbu: "bye grandpa, bye dad" waves then enters peins room

Itachi: "who are you tobi"

Tobi: "I just said that I'm your sons grand father so that makes me…your neighbor"

Itachi: "what ever"

in the back ground:

"who are you!"

"you are under arrest"

"wtf!"

"tobi told me"

"TOBI!"

Anbu: "well bye, I'm going home now" carrying pein on his shoulder who is wearing his chibi-konan pjs then walks away

Pein: "no! he's the leader" points at tobi

Anbu: looks at tobi

Tobi: chibi mode "tobi is a good boy"

Pein: "traitor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" out of the HQ

Tobi: "itachi-san I…"

Itachi: sleeping on the floor

Tobi: smile, then goes back to his room

**Next morning:**

Kisame, deidara, tobi, zetsu, and sasori are eating breakfast in the kitchen.

Itachi: walks in with messy hair and still in pjs while dragging his blankie on the floor

Every one shrieked and point at his face

Itachi: "…?" walks to the mirror then gasp, he had wrinkles.

Konan: walks in "where is pein?"

Tobi: sitting on the chair staring at a sulking itachi in the corner "he's in konoha police station"

Konan: "what!"

Tobi: "police station"

Konan: "what! Wha.."

Tobi: "police station"

Konan: "what! Wh.." this time quicker, so tobi won't cut her off

Tobi: "police station" even quicker

Konan: "what! Why!" smirks, she was quicker

Tobi: "poli…HEY! Awww!"

Konan: "ha-ha, I win!"

**In konoha:**

**"GET ME OUT!, NOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"**

Pein yelled from behind the bars.

**Ok, there is a sequel to this story, it's called 'prison break' where pein tries to run away from prison. Hope you liked this chapter…review plz.**


	5. AN

**The sequel 'prison break' is on my profile for my lovely reviewers, I hope you'll like it.**


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